


to hope, to trust (you'll make it through)

by sebayard



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Feelings Realization, Happy Ending, Lotor (Voltron) POV, M/M, Near Death Experiences, Presumed Dead, Worried Lotor (Voltron)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-07-06 11:54:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15885534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sebayard/pseuds/sebayard
Summary: “Keith?”“...do you hear that?”It takes a moment, but Lotor does hear it. Amongst the static, a low resounding beep comes through the comms.He freezes.A Blade mission goes wrong.





	to hope, to trust (you'll make it through)

**Author's Note:**

> This was my second fic for the Keitor Zine, _Mixed Blood_ , [still available for free download!!](https://keitorzine.tumblr.com/post/175402282367/mixed-blood-download-link-its-been-a-long-wait) I've made a few changes since the original, but nothing too major!

There are a few things Lotor tries to forget: his many run-ins with the witch, witnessing the deaths of his childhood friends, the biting words of his father, Zarkon.

 

He always assumed his time on the Osgilihath base would be among that list. Just another few stained years that could easily be lost amongst the thousands he had.

 

But now?

 

Lotor realizes he cannot escape his past that easily.

 

The Blades are hurting. They’ve lost too many members, have too many hurt, too many still out in the field. They’re losing this war, and if they don’t do something soon there won’t be any soldiers left to fight.

 

Infiltrating Osgilihath could change that.

 

Lotor doesn’t know what kind of information the base holds, just the gravity of it. Haggar did everything in her care to make sure it stayed hidden, even if it meant killing soldiers who asked too many questions.

 

There was always another one around to replace them, anyway.

 

“Are you saying that Osgilihath contains intel that could sway this war in our favor?”

 

Lotor draws a breath as he crosses his arms. “I’m saying that the base was frequented by the witch while Zarkon…” he searches for the right word, “placed, me there. What information she was accessing, I do not know, but I _do_ know that she would have protected it with her life. I couldn’t get near the information even when I tried. I wasn’t trusted enough for that sort of access.”

 

It’s ironic. Lotor thinks, that the witch may have been right in that assessment. How fitting.

 

“And what makes you think we could access it now?”

 

“The Galra are struggling. Zarkon is growing weaker by the day, and without her puppet, Haggar is scrambling. All focus right now is on protecting Zarkon and maintaining their largest strongholds. There are going to be holes in the Galra’s defenses. If we are ever going to obtain access to this intel, now is the time, and quite frankly, Kolivan, I do not think Marmora would be able to survive waiting.”

 

It’s the truth. They all know it. But Lotor also knows the predicament Kolivan is in. When the numbers don’t stack up and morale is low, the likelihood of success drops rapidly, and they can’t afford another loss.

 

Another voice speaks up. “Even if there’s nothing there, it’s worth checking out, don’t you think?”

 

Keith.

 

Lotor almost forgot he was there, standing off to the side, listening, processing. His mask is down and he looks thoughtful, eyes determined. He looks at Kolivan like he can take on the world, and there are moments where Lotor is convinced he could. Ever since Lotor joined the Blades a few months ago, their youngest member had stood out to him. There was something admirable in the way he fought, unrelenting in everything he did. Was he impulsive? Yes. But there was just… something about him. He doesn’t know what it is or how to define it, but it’s there, undeniably so. Something Lotor couldn’t put his finger on. Something that left him bewildered and inspired all at once, left him feeling warm and alive.

 

Keith was always amazing that way.

 

He moves to stand next to Lotor now, arms crossed but stance firm. He’s grown in more ways than one during these past few months. “I’m just saying that Lotor’s right, we need this if we’re going to take down Zarkon for good. We haven’t had any new intel for months, and even then what we did get, Lotor gave us. We need this, Kolivan.”

 

“And who would have me send, kit? I can’t spare anyone to go on a mission such as this. The risk is too great.”

 

Keith takes a deep breath, and before he even opens his mouth, Lotor knows what he’s going to ask. There is no way Keith would let an opportunity like this slip by. He’s going to offer to go himself. Alone.

 

But Lotor also knows the finality of what he’s asking, the danger, the likelihood of failure, of-

 

He can’t let Keith go.

 

“Send me.”

 

Lotor looks at Keith when he says it, doesn’t break his gaze away when Keith whips his head around to face him, his own words dead on his lips. His stance shifts, his expression moving from determination to something like concern.

 

“I’ll go. It’s only logical. I know the layout of the base, where the intel is stored, how to gain access. I did spend eight years living there, after all.” Lotor shifts his gaze to look at Kolivan, who has a hand up to his face in thought. “That way you don’t have to worry about sending any of your members. You can get the intel without any of the risk.”

 

Keith starts to speak but Kolivan hushes him, and for a moment, Lotor thinks he’s convinced him. But just for a moment.

 

“No. You haven’t even gone through the trials yet. It’s a risk for me to even take you at your word that this intel is real.”

 

Lotor feels his stomach drop. He knows what’s coming next.

 

“I’ll go, then.”

 

“Kit-”

 

“No, Kolivan. We need this. You know it. I know it. Even if he’s lying isn’t it worth looking into?”

 

Kolivan turns his back to them and sighs. “You’re a valued member here, Keith. Every Blade is. I cannot risk losing more of you than I already have.”

 

“Look, I- I know I’ve been reckless in the past but… I promise you, Kolivan. If it’s there, I will get this intel to you.”

 

It’s silent. Lotor holds his breath.

 

Kolivan turns back to face them, stares Keith in the eyes. “If you do this, you’re doing it my way. You will be in constant communication with us, and Lotor will be guiding you through the base the entire way. The moment anything doesn’t look right, or he says something that doesn’t match up, you pull out. Understood?”

 

“Yes, sir.”

 

“Good. Now get ready, you leave in twenty dobashes.”

 

It should feel like a victory, Lotor knows, but instead it feels like a death sentence.

 

Kolivan grabs his shoulder on his way out of the room. “Keep him safe.” The threat accompanied with the statement goes unsaid as he leaves Keith and Lotor alone in the room.

 

“Why’d you do that?”

 

Lotor knows what Keith means, but he asks anyway, “What?”

 

“Offer to go. You knew I was going to. Why’d you do it?” Keith steps toward him, brow furrowed.

 

Why did he? “It’s a dangerous mission, Keith.”

 

Keith stops and sighs. It’s the wrong answer. Lotor knows this, knows it deep in his bones. But what is the right one?

 

The truth is on the tip of his tongue, just out of his reach, but Keith moves towards the door before he can grab it.

 

“Yeah. Yeah I know that.” His mouth flicks up into a small smile before the mask covers his face. “Don’t let me die, then.” Keith gives one last nod before he walks through the door, leaving Lotor alone in the small room.

 

“I won’t.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

The mission starts off well before it steadily moves downhill.

 

“Keith? Keith are you there? Can you hear me?”

 

Static.

 

“Keith?”

 

More static.

 

Kolivan is pacing behind him, and Lotor doesn’t blame him.

 

At first, Lotor guided Keith through the base with relative ease. Osgilihath, as he expected, had less guards than the usual count, allowing for a stealth entry. He closed his eyes and recalled each hall and passageway and air duct with precision. Keith had no trouble finding the room he needed, and Lotor could hear him take out the guards swiftly and efficiently. It was all going according to plan.

 

But they didn’t expect the comms connection to be so poor.

 

_“I’m here.”_ Keith’s voice, while muted and spotty, finally breaks through the silence.

 

Lotor releases a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. “Good. Now, did you input the device?”

 

_“Not yet. Lotor, this room is almost empty. Are you sure it’s the right one?”_

 

“It has to be. Is there a control panel at the front of the room?”

 

_“Yeah I see it. Hold on- there. Okay, now what?”_

 

“You need to stick the device in the yellow slot in order to start the download.”

 

_“The yellow one?”_

 

“Yes. Yellow. I’m sure of it.”

 

There’s more static on the other end, and for a moment Lotor wonders if they’ve lost him completely.

 

“Keith?”

 

_“I’m here, I’m here. Okay, putting the device in...now.”_

 

Kolivan keeps pacing and Lotor stops breathing.

 

_“There, it’s done. Now what?”_

 

Kolivan’s voice is steady, but his relief is obvious. “Now we wait for the information to download and for you to get out of there.”

 

There’s more silence on the other end.

 

“Keith?”

 

_“...do you hear that?”_

 

It takes a moment, but Lotor does hear it. Amongst the static, a low resounding beep comes through the comms.

 

He freezes.

 

Lotor knows what this means. And by the looks of it, so does Kolivan. “Keith, you need to get out of there now, do you hear me?”

 

Lotor can hear the pound of footsteps and metal creaking before it stops. _“Kolivan, I- I can’t. The door’s stuck.”_ There’s more creaking, and based off of Keith’s slight pant, Lotor guesses it’s from his yanking on the door. _“Just tell me what’s going on.”_ He sounds confused and anxious and Lotor hates how vulnerable he is, how there’s nothing he can do outside of telling Keith news he doesn’t want to deliver.

 

Lotor doesn’t want him to die.

 

Any attempts to keep his voice steady fail. “It’s… it’s an explosive device. Old Galra bases are filled with them in case of intruders, Keith. I’m sorry I- I should’ve- I didn’t know I-”

 

“Can you disarm it?” Kolivan is in his face before Lotor can blink. “You worked on this base. Do you know how?”

 

Lotor closes his eyes and breathes. “I need to identify the type first. Keith, can you find the source of the beeping?”

 

His voice is still coming in broken and distant, but Lotor is just glad it’s still there at all. _“Yeah, sounds like the wall maybe? Hold on- yeah, definitely the wall.”_

 

In the wall then. Likely old Galra tech. And based on that distinct beeping sound… He knows this device. “It seems like a corrupted quintessence bomb. Keith, are you sure there’s no other way out?”

 

_“I’m sure, Lotor.”_

 

So this was it, then. He had to walk him through it.

 

“Okay, okay. If my estimate is correct, you have about ten minutes before detonation. You need to follow my instructions very carefully, okay Keith?”

 

_“I get it Lotor. Just tell me how to get out of here in one piece.”_

 

“Do you see a panel along the wall anywhere?”

 

_“Yeah, one to the left.”_

 

“You need to pop it off. When you do, you’ll see a canister connected to four wires which connect to the wall. Keith, listen, you cannot touch the canister, alright?”

 

Static.

 

“Keith?”

 

More static. Then nothing at all.

 

_No no no no, please… he can’t…._

 

The comms burst back to life and Lotor can make out a faint _“Got it”_ amongst the static.

 

Oh thank God.

 

“Good.” He breathes. “Now, there’s four wires, you’re going to cut three of them and that will release the door. Once that happens you run, okay Keith? You get out of there.”

 

His voice on the other end is soft. _“I will, Lotor. I’ll be okay. Just tell me what to do.”_

 

Right. “There should be a purple, red, white, and green wire. Leave the red one alone, and cut the white one first.”

 

There’s no response, and Lotor’s panic is near overflowing.

 

“Keith?”

 

_“-otor, which wire? I’m sorry you’re- you’re cutting out I can’t hear-”_

 

There’s static, and then silence.

 

He waits. Kolivan grabs the table in front of them.

 

Nothing.

 

The green light indicating the comms are still active turns red, then blinks out.

 

They’ve died completely, and with them Lotor’s hopes of ever seeing Keith again.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

It takes about two seconds for Kolivan to cuff him and give him a black eye before leading Lotor to his old cell. He takes it silently, diligently. Kolivan isn’t typically one for strong displays of emotion, but in this instance it seems more than warranted. Lotor’s always been aware of Kolivan’s soft spot for the kit. At first he found it foolish. It’s with that sort of attachment that soldiers die. But with Lotor’s own growing fondness, although of a different sort, he stopped looking at Kolivan’s attachment to Keith as a weakness and more as a blessing. Perhaps it’s with this sort of care and attention that soldiers live rather than die.

 

Now, Lotor starts to think he was correct with his first assumption.

 

He sits in the cell, back towards the entrance and head rested against the glass, and his mind wanders while he waits. And what is he waiting for, exactly? A body? A verdict? An execution?

 

Does it matter what his fate is, either way? Lotor still sent Keith to his death. There’s no running from that.

 

Lotor can’t help but about how he arrived at this place, the Blades of Marmora. He thinks about what he hoped to gain in an alliance and what he actually obtained instead. He thinks about Narti and Acxa and Haggar and his father, what they’d think of him if they could see him now, shut up in a cell just like when he first arrived.

 

He doesn’t blame Kolivan for not trusting him. Not after today.

 

He wonders what Keith would think.

 

Lotor asked him, once, if he trusted him, what he thought of him joining the Blades. The look Keith had given him was peculiar. It was open and honest and foreign and Lotor was not used to being given that level of honesty.

 

_“Not yet,” Keith said, “but I want to.”_

 

The memory used to be a fond one, but now it only hurts.

 

He shouldn’t care so much. That’s what Lotor keeps telling himself, anyway. Joining the Blades had always been a means to an end, always just another step in the process needed to bring peace to the Empire. He shouldn’t care. Zarkon would mock him for his sentimentalism if he saw his son now.

 

But Keith…

 

He saw, _sees,_ so much fire, so much potential, so much of himself in Keith that Lotor couldn’t help but care. He was his saving grace when he joined the Blades.

 

But now he’s gone, and all Lotor’s left with is a string of _what if’s_ in his wake.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

He’s dreaming.

 

Lotor knows this because Keith is next to him, in his cell, hand squeezing his shoulder. The man is smiling as he cups Lotor’s face with his other hand, runs a thumb across his cheek.

 

He knows he’s dreaming because Keith begins disintegrating before his very eyes, smile still on his lips, and Lotor panics.

 

“Keith. Wait, no. _Keith!”_

 

_“Lotor?”_

 

His eyes shoot open, and Lotor looks up.

 

Keith stands before him, just outside his cell, a little burnt around the edges, a little shaky, but whole.

 

He’s here. _He’s here he’s here he’s here he’s-_

 

Before he realizes what’s happening, Lotor’s cell door deactivates and he’s lunging forward. He stops just in front of Keith, hands cupping his face before moving down to his shoulders, pulling Keith close, holding tight.

 

Not a dream. Not this time. He’s _real._

 

“You’re alive.”

 

Lotor didn’t expect his voice to sound so cracked and broken and vulnerable. He didn’t expect to care so much.

 

He finds that he doesn’t mind.

 

Keith wraps his arms around him, his voice just as vulnerable, just as honest. “Did you ever doubt me?”

 

They pull apart, and Lotor brushes some hair out of Keith’s face, tucks it behind his ear. “Never you, Keith. I could never doubt you.”

 

Keith smiles, leans into Lotor’s hand. “Good.” He takes a small step backwards, but grabs Lotor’s hand in the process. He feels warm. “I’ve tried convincing Kolivan that you didn’t try to blow me up on purpose, but he’s still not sure. He’ll probably kill me for letting you out, but,” he shrugs, “I figured if you’re able to help go over the intel, he might trust you again.” He grins as he holds up the hard drive with one hand and continues holding Lotor’s hand with the other.

 

“You got it?” Even after all that happened?

 

Keith laughs. “Yeah, it was close. But I got it.”

 

“Ho- _how?_ ”

 

The man starts to pull him. “I’ll tell you on the way. But we’ve gotta hurry. I got a glimpse of some of the information and you were right, this could be a game changer for us…” He looks back behind him. “Thank you, Lotor. You might have just saved all our asses.” His thumb runs over the back of Lotor’s hand. “Especially mine.”

 

Lotor stops, caught by the look in Keith’s eyes, and smiles, soft and relieved as his heart hums. He thinks he finally has a word to describe the warmth in his chest every time Keith is in the room, the life he feels whenever he’s around.

 

He thinks it’s called love.

 

And with the look Keith throws at him from ahead, Lotor can’t help but hope he feels it to.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed!! As always, kudos/bookmarks/comments are all appreciated <3
> 
> Hit me up on [Tumblr](http://sebayard.tumblr.com/) or [Twitter.](https://twitter.com/seblamblam?lang=en)


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